Where is God

I went down to Evanston for 4 continuing education classes. It was great seeing some of my old coworkers, students, teachers. However a part of me felt I was missing out on something. It brought back a lot of good memories. Yet at the same time I knew I didn't belong there. I felt kinda torn. One of the speakers talked about a case study. a 23 year old male who was miss diagnosed. He has a rare leukemia and there is nothing they can do. He probably only has about 6 months left. I am sitting there thinking where is the justice. WHere are you God? I know bad things happen all the time but for some reason I was struggling with this one. I know babies die and people are starving to death. I know the world is not fair. How could I tell this person that God loves them. I am sure they would respond, "How can you tell me that God loves me? Why would God do this to me?" I don't think GOd is punishing him or anyone. It is just a part of life. I would ask why not me. How come I am not the one with Leukemia. Would I have the peace inside me that my life was going to end in 6 months or sooner. 

I am reading this book called He Leadeth me. It is by Walter Ciszek a Jesuit priest form America who went o do missionary work in Poland. Well WW2 started and he got sent to Russia and was in a 6ft x 10ft cell with no windows a poop bucket and is let out only for interrogation. They interrogated him for a whole year and he had one day of weakness and signed something that said he was a spy from the Vatican even though it was not true. His punishment was 15 years of Manual labor in Siberia. He would shovel for 15 hours a day. How does one not give up on life? Why would one want to deal with the pain and suffering everyday. He said, that he decided to completely surrender to God. If they wanted to kill him then so be it. He was at peace once he put his entire trust in God. In fact he thought it was God's mission for him to work hard everyday in the camps. He believed what he was doing in the camp was to help humanity and that what is what God wanted. He was at peace. Others accused him as helping the communists but he said no I am here to help God. How does one have such deep faith and totally give up one's life to God. I don't know how to do it. I say that I am giving up control but am I really? I guess that is why they call it faith.

 This is the Scalabrini sisters from Chicago and Gladson who is an Augustinian novice. We had a retreat in Racine on Family systems. It was mostly about your interaction with the different members in your family and the role every one in the family plays. The birthing order can play a big role in all families. I am the second born and the baby of the family so most of the time I feel responsible for the stability in the family structure. They can feel the pain or tension related to the intensity of an unresolved conflict in the family. They can also collect other's feelings and tensions as if they were there own. And the list goes on and on. However not every one fits every exact mold. But there are many other aspects that get affected like culture and environment.

 Dave, Patric and I went to see the Brewers get there butts kicked by the cubs

 I met this guy named Rob from Fairmont Minnesota and he is a big vikings fan as well He is also into mountain biking. THis view is from the top of the roof of the apartment complex he lives in.

This is Clare who is Dave's daughter. She wanted my helga horns so I gave them to her for the day. Her dad is a huge Packers fan. Infact t was a Packer's party and I was the stand out Viking sheep. Luckily both teams lost.

Festivals

 Labor day I spent with Dave Holton and his kids at the beach down in Racine. It was a lot of fun playing soccer on the beach with his kids. We also made sand castles and then took turns burying each other. It was very enjoyable. His gives are very sweet and funny. Kids really say the funniest things. Dad was blaring Blackeyed peas in the van ride home and the kids were swinging there arms and trying to dance crazy in there booster chairs. It was very entertaining

 I went with two guys to Lake Geneva Wisconisn. Very touristy place for Illinois people. Illinois plates everywhere. It was also a nice ride down. It was hot. It was 96 degrees a couple of days ago and now it is 65 degrees. Lots of change in weather.

 This picture is from Irish fest. I learned a little bit of Celtic dancing and took at 30 minute class learning the gaelic language. Lots of great bands and singers. I think it is the largest attended festival of all the festivals. Harley Davidson celebrated 110 years and had a huge festival down by the lake. harley's every where riding around. It was quit the rally.

This is spring in Kettle Morraine State park. i went Mountain biking for the day at the Emma Carlin trail. The mountain biking is very good here. Plenty of variety with trees, rocks, prairie, hills, mud, and even sand. Afterwards I stopped by this spring just to relax. The water was crystal clear. You could see the bottom and all the fish swimming around.

I volunteered at Indian Summer. It is the big Native American festival here in Milwaukee. I helped out at the Congregation of the Great Spirit booth. I helped out by serving food. It was a good funraiser for the church. The picture above is the grand entrance for the military who have served our country. It was a very impressive gran march. There was Numerous dance competitions that were fun to watch. I also enjoyed many native flute artists. I then helped out at the mass they had which was celebrated by Bishop Listewki. We did a smudging ceremony at the beginning over the people who attended. The mass was in celebration of Kateri Takewtiha a Mohawk Native America Saint. The mass was quit enjoyabl especially because the bishop had no idea what was going on a times and the look on his face was priceless. Infact the best part was this old man gave a petition in Lakota and then walked away from the podium. The bishop then wrapped up the prayer. But the prayers were not done. Then an old lady from Menomonie gave a petition in her language then walked away from the podium and the bishop thought the petitions were done so he wrapped it up again. Then another guy form the audience walked up to the podium in a packers jersey and a packers hat on his head and gave a petition in ojibwa. The look on the Bishops face was priceless. Well that was the last prayer and the Bishop ed the prayer a third time. Then communion was utter chaos but it worked out. The mass totally made my day.

As like anyone else I have my good days and bad days. I have been enjoying most of the classes I am having this year. I am keeping open in thought in prayer. I really enjoyed Pope Francis speech to the youth in Brazil. "We need modern day saints. Saints not in habits or cassocks, or collars. We need Saints the chew bubble gum, go to movies, listen to their iPads and wear jeans. We need Saints that enjoy dancing and to have a beer". Is this our Pope? This guy is awesome. He is a real human being. There is a change that is happening in the Catholic church and it is a nice breath of fresh air.

Liminal Space

Liminal Space. Well right now I feel I am in between places i’m not here nor there. I’m not sure where I am. I feel I am not sure who I am. It is definitely an empty feeling. Most transitions are not easy. I’m really not sure what to expect to happen to me this year. Novitiate is a time to go deep into ones self to see God in themselves and where does that lead one.  I feel my motto for the year is going to be one day at a time. I hope I can go deeper each day into my inner being and see what inside me is really saying. This is and has already been tough for me.

I helped out again at the Polish pilgrimage. Once again I think I gained 5 pounds over 2 days. They feed you all the time. The say, “Don’t be shy eat some more”. After I already had 4 plates of food. Then when you leave they say take food with you. You might get hungry on the way home I’m thinking I am stuffed and it is only a 2 hour drive. I’m pretty sure I won’t starve. But food is love for the Polish culture. It blew me away last year at how many people participate. Old people walking 18 miles. It is incredible. It is nostalgic. It is there history, religion, culture, it is apart of who they are as polish to do this pilgrimage. It is very important to the people.  I feel proud to have polish routes and be apart of it.

I also went to Irish fest again this year. Learned a little bit of Gaelic. Drank some Irish beer and did some Celtic dancing. Great music.

I have been riding my bike a lot and have been swimming in Lake Michigan. Not sure how healthy the water is but I heard the e-coli level is down right now. So why not swim while it is still warm.  I have a lot of time for reading this year. I am already taking advantage of the time. Some one said to me the other day. “Wow it must be nice to have a whole year to really spend time and go deep to learn who you are”. That is a true it is a gift and yet having this much time to think can be scary. I definitely feel I have time to think about anything and everything and to be honest it is scary. I’m used to being very active and doing things. It is hard. Some days I do feel I am wasting my talents and skills. That I should be doing something with my life and not sit here contemplating. Am I on the threshold of transformation?

 The night of entrance with the Superior General from Brazil. Wearing a Nigerian outfit instead of a habit

 This is the novice class for this year.

 Over 6000 people for the Polish pilgrimage

Lake Michigan at Sand dunes National Beach in Indiana

Road trip with Parents

Well I spent four days in Salt Lake City visiting my buddy Paul and Noah. Paul and I went Atving and I accidently drove it of the side of the mountain trying to climb a rock pile and then hitting the gas. Luckily a big boulder stopped it from going all the way down the mountain. I was very lucky. Not sure how we would have gotten his ATV back. We also spent time playing 9 holes of golf then batting cages. Noah and I went for a bike ride up emigration Canyon, which really kicked my butt. We also went for a hike to the chair, which is above Utah University and overlooks Salt Lake City. The next day we went and saw USA vs. Cuba in a gold cup match. USA dominated. My parents picked me up and we headed to Jackson Wyoming. It is a very pretty drive. Even better was the next day driving through the Grand Teton National Park and Yellow stone. We did drive to Jackson Hole and rode the air tram to the top of the Mountain, which has an incredible view. I would like to go back to the Tetons and spend some time camping there.

We took a full tour of Yellow stone and drove the entire loop. That night we spent in Cody Wyoming, which is named after Buffalo Bill Cody. Another famous person buried there is Jeremiah Liver eating Johnson. From there we headed to Devil’s Tower and then to Deadwood South Dakota where we met my cousin Jake. Deadwood is a fun old western town where Wild Bill was shot and killed.  The following day we headed to Mount Rushmore, Custer State Park and to Mammoth site. There are the mammoth site is an active dig site where there are over 50 Colombian Mammoths are buried. They are bigger than wooly mammoths. One can volunteer there and help dig up the bones. From there we said good-bye to Jake and headed to Rapid City South Dakota. The next day we headed to the badlands. The badlands are sacred ground to the Native American people. We drove across South Dakota, which isn’t terrible. I can think of one or two worse drives. From there we went to Pipestone, which is sacred ground. It is where the Lakota people harvest this stone that is red called pipestone to make their Chaupa wakan or peace pipe. It is sacred rock. From there we headed back to Inver Grove Heights Minnesota.

 Jake and I at Mount Rushmore

 The air tram that goes to the top of Jackson Hole

 At Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming

 This is Jenny lake in Grand Teton National Parkl

 Old Faithful which erupts every 90 minutes

 This is at mammoth site in South Dakota. Colombian Mammoth in the Background

Canada

Had a spur of the moment trip to Canada with my buddy Paul. We went to his parents cabin up on the North part of Lake of the woods. Went fishing a bunch. Caught enough for two walleye meals. Tasted amazing. My largest catch was a 21 inch walleye. We also went Kayaking around Allie Island. Did a little hiking. Mainly relaxing and enjoying the views. The mosquitos were really bad. The nice part is that it is very isolated up there. The cabin is on an island and it is a 30 minute boat ride. No other cabins around. It is God's country up there

 Paul on top of Proposal Hill

 Walleye is good eating

Keegan and his Baptism

Isle Royal

                                         Uncle Tim fishing

                                         Lake Vermillion

                                         Hiking on Isle Royal

                                       Isle ROyal

                                         Falls on the superior Hiking trail

Lake Vermillion

Well I went up to Lake Vermillion with Uncle Tim. Uncle Christopher came up for a day as well to go fishing with us. The May Flies were every where. The fishing was really bad. Only one walleye in three days.  That is really bad. But it is always nice to get up north. I then went to the superior hiking trail up in Grand Marias Minnesota. I went hiking and it was raining on an off all day. It continued that night and when I woke up everything in my tent was soaked except for my sleeping bag. I found out I have afew patches in need to make in the rain fly. Well I decided not to hike again the next day or camp out because the weather was suppose to be the same. Instead I cruised up to the border to Grand portage and got the last seat on a boat to Isle Royal National Park It was 50 degrees and cloudy. I sat on the outside and froze my butt off. It was an hour and twenty minute boat ride about 18 miles. Isle Royal is known for its wolves and Moose on the island.  I went for a hike hoping to see a moose but had no luck. The worst part was I was doing a loop hike and I saw the time and I thought I was going to miss the boat because my clock said it was going to leave in an hour. I took off running. I get back and I was an hour early. Isle royal in Michigan property and is an hour early. My phone switched and I didn’t know it. Well lessoned learned.  I then headed to Sandstone Minnesota and helped out at the Men’s Rite of Passage Retreat.  Wonderful area with a lot of neat people. It was very motivating. I have spent a lot of time fishing on various lakes around the twin cities. Been mainly catching bass around the twin cities. Then it was up to Canada I went.

 Twins vs the Yankees in which we lost but good seats

 This is a may fly in which they were everywhere up on lake Vermillion some call them fish flies

 This is one of the spots we tried fishing on lake Vermillion but no luck

Me holding Barrett which is Bobby Fox's three month old